Saturday, November 15, 2025

SAI flail

Because this one deserves one too <3

Good Day - that soundscape intro? i cant believe how much detail i missed bc i was just listening in the car and not with headphones ugh. im falling in love with everything now. tbh the intro/piano reminds me of self titled except in major key, and I never noticed the oxymoron with the lowkey sad lyrics, UGH THE BRIDGE i have forgotten how much I love LOVE tyler's melodies fuckkkk nothing hits betterrrr 

Choker - THE BEATTT JOSHH AND THE INTROOO i didnt realize how CUTE this sounds and the MM-MMH ugh tylerrRRRR  the chorus frickkk "self-sabotage is a sweet romance" DAMN oh that breakdown was a surprise i almost expected ukulele but im not hearing it

Shy Away - when i gHETT home, ngl I was kinda meh about this song at first sdkjf chorus is boppy tho i dont have the brain cells to try and interpret this song aahh oh Boy you better not be there, who is this song fOR wait the message is "dont you shy away" "searching for that feeling just like an i love you" HELLO??? JOSHLER?? SLD;KFJ my joshler agenda ass is so awake

The Outside - how is this track 4 omg ok fine the lil riff in the intro is cool as well as--wh.....the--the synth sounds are travelling around my head and its a bit distracting omfg holy shit that is fun AGAIN WHY DID I NOT HEADPHONES see i didnt really like this song at first but it's still catchy and it's still in my head sdljkf huh looking at the lyrics "kids will take my vibes or am i on the outside" is this his version of Teenagers?? theres one thing tho i love the MV with the song for some reason in the quiet part before the rap verse I JUST HEARD LIKE dreamscape effect voices--i dont think thats tyler. is that paul meany?? "I am a Megalodon" vs "I am Megatron" lmaaoo oohh i wonder if this is about the Industry, like ppl tryna suck up to them but also the trends change and theyre not cool anymore, and in the middle of it all, tyler wonders if he's "on the outside" vibin vibin~ ugh u really need to tear this song apart and dig deep to appreciate it aslkdfjaSLJDKF

Saturday - oh Saturday my beloved this is a catchy ass song, also the days of the week reminds me of work (cant use it for work tho - but I have Jungkook for that SLDKJF) hold on that was a Transition - the sound turns muffled and then like bursts into being clear again, right before tyler sings "catch me floating circles in my fish bowl" YOOOOO and i know this is like, Clancy under the Dema rule but also being medicated and being in the same routine etc "life moves slow on the ocean floor/I cant feel the waves anymore" AWESOME vocals JOSH IN THE MV at the female OOOH part pffFFF wow that da-da-da outro tyler was really playing around with How the notes sound in like spatially

 Never Take It - oh that riff would not have been appreciated in the car but i love it now, oooh i love the lyrics, it's very Rebel, i wonder what this is about oooh i love this bridge "you better educate yourself but never too much" ughh "THEY PROFIT FROM A GREAT DIVIDE" aaaaAAAAA huh the lyrics still hit, and the sounds are pretty, but idk what it is maybe it's the major key but something is just Off with this album (maybe it's the guitar? which--I feel bad bc--omfg he really just learned guitar during the pandemic. omg this was him experimenting. and i think it's mid NOOOOOO)

Mulberry Street - the only reason I like this is bc it's a pilots song dont look at me SLDFKJ wow hey his vocals? are impeccable here? theres st aboutt how he pronounces and sings that was so captivating you know i dont understand what this song is about i need to be bigger brain what is this breakdown omg THAT COMEBACK THOOOO like the beat coming back for Mulberry Street THAT YEEEAAAAHHH IN THE BG theres that female vocal again

Formidable - see the drums were peak but the--the GUITARSSSS ohh I think this is a Jenna song "but I just cant believe that I'm for you" awwWWW this is a fun song yknow im realizing I do like scaled and Icy, it's just that it sounds so Regular, like it sounds like a normal indie album, and I realize it's bc of the GOTDAM GUITARSS the prechorus chord change reminds me of eraserheads what is this breakdown chorus, why is it right side drums left side fuciking alto theremin aksdfj that was weiRD BUT I GUESS "im just worried that my LOYALTY WILL BORE YOU" HE'S SUCH A SWEETIEEEEE

Bounce Man - boingggg this is a very narrative driven lyrics, huh i wonder what this is about like the vibe is someone escaping st bad they did and being supportive about that? "if u gotta go i understand but come by the house before u leave" huh? other than that tho the vibe is just not vibing for me sldfkjSDLFKJ

No Chances - finally some GNARLY SYNTHSSSS (Gnarly!) WE COME 4 U, NO CHAAANCES hehehe that first verse was mmm okie, the chorus is a banger tho i always sing along to it, yeah this isnt really--issa bit cringe lskjdflskdj chorus still bangs tho it's an okay song it's just....almost a bit out of place now that im listening properly, it's the only gritty song in the whole album

Redecorate -  wow i never listened to the intro properly its a funky one, the lyrics are heavy but the flow is--why are there she pronouns in the verse? wh "she had plans to change her name just not the traditional way" HELLO?? TRANSING??? OH?? ASLKDJF HUH? HI? the soundscape is fun tho theyre really having fun with this! oh "and he feels trapped when he's not inebriated" wait im realizing lots of things at once 1. the next lines after that one implies that it's a Character not tyler probably/maybe and 2. scaled back and isolated - scaled and icy ROLL CREDITS wait there are more lyrics making me think it IS about tyler. hello? HELLO?? DOES THAT IMPLY THE SHE PRONOUNS ARE HIM TOO? oh my gah my conspiracy theory brain oh these percussions are snazzy

anyways, what the hell?? LKSJDFLJKSD I had no expectations coming in--i mean, like i didnt expect coming out LIKE THIS, WITH A TRANS THEORY ASDFLKJ and it was so fun to listen to all the details, and knowing Tyler he's a virgo moon I know he is METICULOUS about details and meaning and etc...i wonder if the person in Bounce Man is also one of the characters in Redecorate. also at least I now know what my least favorite songs are SDLKFJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Reminder

I've gone through way more than what my friends have. They don't understand how it felt to have a whole 10 year relationship with an intended future just stop existing anymore. This path is my own and I'm working my way through it.

This path is my own.

Sunday, November 2, 2025

Hi.

 So. Here's the thing. When I was flailing/blogging I usually always did it on the computer. I still blogged a bit on my phone and I did try (see previous posts) but it didn't feel as cathartic. 

I'm on the comp now, top is playing, I'm feeling nostalgic/sentimental. Ye.

It's so strange I didn't realize I type differently through the keyboard vs through a phone. Like typing conventions and whatnot. And I always blogged informally anyways. 

 Anyways, thoughts flying. I didn't realize how cathartic this would be pffft. It's like finding my own style and my own voice again. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Anyways anyways, I'm here because I'm finally going to do my album flail.

 Blogger Newee is back baybeeeeee 

Tuesday, October 14, 2025

it's so stupid
it feels so suffocating 
I'm still hurting so much
and it hurts so much more that I'll never get an apology or acknowledgement 
yeah I'm always the bad guy because I'm younger? isn't that fucked up

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Hey, I figured I should start writing again. The blog's name means "I am born again" which is quite poignant in terms of how I'm feeling. Thanks, past me... (I'm assuming 2015, when I was studying Latin. I have forgotten everything 👁️👄👁️)

Life's been hard. I'm not gonna tell myself it's not. Life has been hard for me. But it's just frustrating that it didn't used to feel this hard. It's like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like I'm still in freeze mode, waiting for someone to take over so I can feel like I can relax. But I don't have anyone else in this house.

And it sucks bc I used to romanticize living alone. During the darkest times with Nat I would imagine an alternate future where I just live alone and work towards myself and my own hobbies and goals. maybe travel the world. Something broke in me these past two years. It was everything that happened with Nat, and Neena. Especially Neena, I think. I was trying to be happy again but life keeps throwing impossibilities at us. 

Maybe for Nat it's bc I knew I'd already given my all and then some, I was at the very bottom of my jar of what I could give, what I could bear. It ruined me physically. But at least with Nat I can feel definitive about it. We can't work together until she learns to communicate, which I don't know if she'll ever be able to do, and it's unfair for both of us for me to wait, and for her to feel that pressure. 

But Neena feels different. I feel so shattered. I still ache. (I mean I still ache for Nat but it feels better knowing it really can't work) But with Neena, back in August I realized if we worked on it a little more we would've had a good living situation going. It was only the financial problems that held me back. I know how I get when there's financial problems, and the two of them aren't the same person but if I'm very honest I dont think I can trust either of them to be responsible with their money the way I am, or the way I am privileged to have wiggle room. idk

I got a call while writing this post, so the Thoughts will have to continue a different time