Arirang album flail

let's fucking go oh my god 

all I can say so far is that it's so unique. it's so them but it's also so bold and experimental and it's also like solo artists RM, Jin, Agust D, J-Hope, Jimin, V, and Jung Kook collabed together

Body to Body - oh my god I'm crying already they made a stadium song. like they made a song that's specifically made to be sung live in stadiums like fuckkk can you imagine how big your dick has to be to say something like this fuck

im shaking in my boots 

ngl I am feeling a deja vu of doing the same to indigo, like listening while looking up the lyrics. idk if I ever flailed tho maybe livetweeted.

anyways!

Hooligan - SCREAMS every time the CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC CUTS UP AAAAAA it throws me off every time UGH ITS SO GNARLY AND LIKE the switch up from that classical vibes to the GNARLY ASS BEAT uGH it's so CRUNCHY it reminds me a lot of tyler the creator/RPWP sound wow I'm so amazed "This that K, gotta get a better pop here" KIM NAMJOON. KIM. NAMJOON. BRO. YOUR DICK SO BIG. also yoongi sing-rapping is actually so hot of him?? oh god choosing jin to end that last chorus was such a smart move

Aliens - the beat feels like a more mature UGH "Everybody know now where the K is" Namjoon your dick so big #3 idk what it is but something about how often the song switches up between English and Korean and how the song is about being outsiders in the western world

wait hold on. is this song/Namjoon's verse low-key about the whole "sk govt kept going back and forth about giving them an exemption to the point that bts said fuck it we'll go ourselves" holy shit

FYA -  WAIT EVEN THE INTRO IS HEAVY BREATHING JESUS oh god I'm not ready oh god AAAAA THE BEAT I FUCKING LOVE CLUB BEATS I NEED THIS ON HEATED RIVALRY LMAAOO fuck we're just gonna fuck to this song huh oh my god and ever since I saw that tweet about jk breathy whine-sing at "something I *can't* forget" 

"burning out with my slime" is this about slick

also them referencing michael and britney? two extremely famous international pop stars? fuck YEAH HELL YEAH HEAVY BREATHING FJSKFJF SCTEAMS THE WATER DROP SOUND HELLO??? FUCK THIS SOUNDSCAPE IS SO GOOD THE JIMIN BG SIREN VOCALS

2.0

this is about the military thing again. "10 years I tell you worth half a penny" holy shit they are MAD mad the "pop pop pop" right before "came back for what's mine" 👀 also y'know the part where they go "stop, riiiide" reminds me of no chances by tøp

oh thank god I'm halfway through I get to just sit here and relax a bit

SWIM

that's indigo joon singing!!! now that you mention it tho this feels like it would fit right in Indigo. "salt on my tongue she's stunning" YOONGEEEE also ugh the left n right vocals during the chorus "swim(swim), swim(swim)" so good ugh

again, ending with Jin chef's kiss

Merry-Go-Round

I'm just enjoying the sad lyrics of we just keep going, huh? when I realized that the sound is very solo artist Jimin ARE THOSE HOCALS??? HOSEOK??? BRO "Please take me out, ma" THE MAMA REFERENCE???? "my bed is my coffin" idk I just like this line it's so goth

NORMAL

no notes ngl....part of it reminds me of 2015 Halsey for some reason (Roman Holiday?) also disclaimer Ryan Tedder is a Zionist but I can tell it's him the chords the general vibe/sound also this song is so SAD?? also yoongi sing rapping all in English (just like he did on Lilith) ugh when Namjoon's deep voice goes in ALSO TAES VOCALS??? HOLY SHIT??? "got me feeling thing unusual" fuuuck he's trying some new stuff 

Like Animals 

I'm so used to Kpop songs using only elements of wrong and not the whole thing so when I heard the guitar I was like okay it's not gonna be a full rock song. AND THEN I WAS WRONG also I didn't know this was also all in English? also MIN YOONGI FALSETTO pre-chorus jk sounds like a ghost I would fuck and just Ugh the full drums and guitar fuckkk this gives More by solo artist J-Hope except even more organic rock oh my god namjoon singing NAMJOON WITH JUNGKOOK and then the distorted guitar this is fucking crack cocaine to me!! hobi's verse--oh god this song rly is about omegaverse oh my god I AM hearing louder than bombs in this 

they don't know bout us

oh THIS one gives no chances by tøp "do the math and go" KIM NAMJOOOOON DIG BICK MOMENT NUMBER 4. fuck the lyrics are driving me nuts it's to all the haters and copycats my godd fuckk the instrumentals in the chorus is so GOOD also the way there were like 4 members singing in that last verse is so sexy 

Please

IT SOUNDS LIKE HOOOOOME I actually thought they sampled Home oh my god I can already tell jikook are gonna be so annoying singing the first verse to each other fjskdn also jimin singing "I'm on my knees" HELL YEAH oh and taekook too are gonna be annoying JDKDJF man this is such a sexy song

Into the Sun

the shifted vocals reminds me of ah heck I don't remember but it's very experimental indie also the lyrics just keep tugging at my heartstrings fuck the sope verse is giving a bit fly to my room fuck....the outro....bro.....I'm cryin...just the full rock guitars group singing fuck I'm so weak this sounds like a fucking OST song my heart is soaring 

anyways it's been a day since I wrote all of this up oh my god I stayed up til 5ish am finishing this. I listened the first time and just danced/vibed, watched the studio live, then finally started on this flail haha and I am SO HAPPY I can't explain it. at first listen to this album I just so readily accepted it into my heart. like hello. it's you. it sounds so Them as they currently are and I love them so fucking much fuckkkk

to me

I'm receiving so much love it's kind of overwhelming. I read Hannah's card and fucking bawled

I think the source of the Cry is that quiet whisper of "I don't deserve this" but I wanna become better and be someone...I wanna say more deserving, but I know I'm deserving of love no matter what I do (my id doesn't know that tho pfft). nevertheless, it inspires me to be a better person for my friends and family 

2026 - tøp concert movie, escape room, karaoke booth at Southgate mall

2025 - in PH, buffet and MoA, my brother didn't want to go with me

2024 - karaoke, it was mehhh

2023 - karaoke at soju, it was okaaay (also just got back from kr) 

2022 - on my flight to kr 

2021 - oh my god what the FUCK did I do on this dAY HFKSJDKS tbf it's pandemic times, I think I just wrote with kk

2020 - students threw me a party 🥺

2019 - oh god my capstone project final draft was due around my bday, but I know I went to steel wheels, I think this was the year I did escape room with Hannah and nat 

2018 - 

2017 - 

2016 - 

2015 - 

2014 - 

2013 - 

2012 - house party, pikachu cake, Just Dance

2011 - WEM galaxyland with the gang

2010 - omegle time

listen I'm gonna complete this list, I'm p sure there's overlap with nat events 

anyways, this year's bday was really sweet. even if I exploded when we had to change the day for the escape room. I'm kinda glad we changed bc I got to have karaoke time with friends today. I'm grateful to have really patient and understanding friends who are rooting for me 💜

SAI flail

Because this one deserves one too <3

Good Day - that soundscape intro? i cant believe how much detail i missed bc i was just listening in the car and not with headphones ugh. im falling in love with everything now. tbh the intro/piano reminds me of self titled except in major key, and I never noticed the oxymoron with the lowkey sad lyrics, UGH THE BRIDGE i have forgotten how much I love LOVE tyler's melodies fuckkkk nothing hits betterrrr 

Choker - THE BEATTT JOSHH AND THE INTROOO i didnt realize how CUTE this sounds and the MM-MMH ugh tylerrRRRR  the chorus frickkk "self-sabotage is a sweet romance" DAMN oh that breakdown was a surprise i almost expected ukulele but im not hearing it

Shy Away - when i gHETT home, ngl I was kinda meh about this song at first sdkjf chorus is boppy tho i dont have the brain cells to try and interpret this song aahh oh Boy you better not be there, who is this song fOR wait the message is "dont you shy away" "searching for that feeling just like an i love you" HELLO??? JOSHLER?? SLD;KFJ my joshler agenda ass is so awake

The Outside - how is this track 4 omg ok fine the lil riff in the intro is cool as well as--wh.....the--the synth sounds are travelling around my head and its a bit distracting omfg holy shit that is fun AGAIN WHY DID I NOT HEADPHONES see i didnt really like this song at first but it's still catchy and it's still in my head sdljkf huh looking at the lyrics "kids will take my vibes or am i on the outside" is this his version of Teenagers?? theres one thing tho i love the MV with the song for some reason in the quiet part before the rap verse I JUST HEARD LIKE dreamscape effect voices--i dont think thats tyler. is that paul meany?? "I am a Megalodon" vs "I am Megatron" lmaaoo oohh i wonder if this is about the Industry, like ppl tryna suck up to them but also the trends change and theyre not cool anymore, and in the middle of it all, tyler wonders if he's "on the outside" vibin vibin~ ugh u really need to tear this song apart and dig deep to appreciate it aslkdfjaSLJDKF

Saturday - oh Saturday my beloved this is a catchy ass song, also the days of the week reminds me of work (cant use it for work tho - but I have Jungkook for that SLDKJF) hold on that was a Transition - the sound turns muffled and then like bursts into being clear again, right before tyler sings "catch me floating circles in my fish bowl" YOOOOO and i know this is like, Clancy under the Dema rule but also being medicated and being in the same routine etc "life moves slow on the ocean floor/I cant feel the waves anymore" AWESOME vocals JOSH IN THE MV at the female OOOH part pffFFF wow that da-da-da outro tyler was really playing around with How the notes sound in like spatially

 Never Take It - oh that riff would not have been appreciated in the car but i love it now, oooh i love the lyrics, it's very Rebel, i wonder what this is about oooh i love this bridge "you better educate yourself but never too much" ughh "THEY PROFIT FROM A GREAT DIVIDE" aaaaAAAAA huh the lyrics still hit, and the sounds are pretty, but idk what it is maybe it's the major key but something is just Off with this album (maybe it's the guitar? which--I feel bad bc--omfg he really just learned guitar during the pandemic. omg this was him experimenting. and i think it's mid NOOOOOO)

Mulberry Street - the only reason I like this is bc it's a pilots song dont look at me SLDFKJ wow hey his vocals? are impeccable here? theres st aboutt how he pronounces and sings that was so captivating you know i dont understand what this song is about i need to be bigger brain what is this breakdown omg THAT COMEBACK THOOOO like the beat coming back for Mulberry Street THAT YEEEAAAAHHH IN THE BG theres that female vocal again

Formidable - see the drums were peak but the--the GUITARSSSS ohh I think this is a Jenna song "but I just cant believe that I'm for you" awwWWW this is a fun song yknow im realizing I do like scaled and Icy, it's just that it sounds so Regular, like it sounds like a normal indie album, and I realize it's bc of the GOTDAM GUITARSS the prechorus chord change reminds me of eraserheads what is this breakdown chorus, why is it right side drums left side fuciking alto theremin aksdfj that was weiRD BUT I GUESS "im just worried that my LOYALTY WILL BORE YOU" HE'S SUCH A SWEETIEEEEE

Bounce Man - boingggg this is a very narrative driven lyrics, huh i wonder what this is about like the vibe is someone escaping st bad they did and being supportive about that? "if u gotta go i understand but come by the house before u leave" huh? other than that tho the vibe is just not vibing for me sldfkjSDLFKJ

No Chances - finally some GNARLY SYNTHSSSS (Gnarly!) WE COME 4 U, NO CHAAANCES hehehe that first verse was mmm okie, the chorus is a banger tho i always sing along to it, yeah this isnt really--issa bit cringe lskjdflskdj chorus still bangs tho it's an okay song it's just....almost a bit out of place now that im listening properly, it's the only gritty song in the whole album

Redecorate -  wow i never listened to the intro properly its a funky one, the lyrics are heavy but the flow is--why are there she pronouns in the verse? wh "she had plans to change her name just not the traditional way" HELLO?? TRANSING??? OH?? ASLKDJF HUH? HI? the soundscape is fun tho theyre really having fun with this! oh "and he feels trapped when he's not inebriated" wait im realizing lots of things at once 1. the next lines after that one implies that it's a Character not tyler probably/maybe and 2. scaled back and isolated - scaled and icy ROLL CREDITS wait there are more lyrics making me think it IS about tyler. hello? HELLO?? DOES THAT IMPLY THE SHE PRONOUNS ARE HIM TOO? oh my gah my conspiracy theory brain oh these percussions are snazzy

anyways, what the hell?? LKSJDFLJKSD I had no expectations coming in--i mean, like i didnt expect coming out LIKE THIS, WITH A TRANS THEORY ASDFLKJ and it was so fun to listen to all the details, and knowing Tyler he's a virgo moon I know he is METICULOUS about details and meaning and etc...i wonder if the person in Bounce Man is also one of the characters in Redecorate. also at least I now know what my least favorite songs are SDLKFJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Reminder

I've gone through way more than what my friends have. They don't understand how it felt to have a whole 10 year relationship with an intended future just stop existing anymore. This path is my own and I'm working my way through it.

This path is my own.

Hi.

 So. Here's the thing. When I was flailing/blogging I usually always did it on the computer. I still blogged a bit on my phone and I did try (see previous posts) but it didn't feel as cathartic. 

I'm on the comp now, top is playing, I'm feeling nostalgic/sentimental. Ye.

It's so strange I didn't realize I type differently through the keyboard vs through a phone. Like typing conventions and whatnot. And I always blogged informally anyways. 

 Anyways, thoughts flying. I didn't realize how cathartic this would be pffft. It's like finding my own style and my own voice again. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Anyways anyways, I'm here because I'm finally going to do my album flail.

 Blogger Newee is back baybeeeeee 

it's so stupid

it feels so suffocating 

I'm still hurting so much

and it hurts so much more that I'll never get an apology or acknowledgement 

yeah I'm always the bad guy because I'm younger? isn't that fucked up

Hey, I figured I should start writing again. The blog's name means "I am born again" which is quite poignant in terms of how I'm feeling. Thanks, past me... (I'm assuming 2015, when I was studying Latin. I have forgotten everything 👁️👄👁️)

Life's been hard. I'm not gonna tell myself it's not. Life has been hard for me. But it's just frustrating that it didn't used to feel this hard. It's like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like I'm still in freeze mode, waiting for someone to take over so I can feel like I can relax. But I don't have anyone else in this house.

And it sucks bc I used to romanticize living alone. During the darkest times with Nat I would imagine an alternate future where I just live alone and work towards myself and my own hobbies and goals. maybe travel the world. Something broke in me these past two years. It was everything that happened with Nat, and Neena. Especially Neena, I think. I was trying to be happy again but life keeps throwing impossibilities at us. 

Maybe for Nat it's bc I knew I'd already given my all and then some, I was at the very bottom of my jar of what I could give, what I could bear. It ruined me physically. But at least with Nat I can feel definitive about it. We can't work together until she learns to communicate, which I don't know if she'll ever be able to do, and it's unfair for both of us for me to wait, and for her to feel that pressure. 

But Neena feels different. I feel so shattered. I still ache. (I mean I still ache for Nat but it feels better knowing it really can't work) But with Neena, back in August I realized if we worked on it a little more we would've had a good living situation going. It was only the financial problems that held me back. I know how I get when there's financial problems, and the two of them aren't the same person but if I'm very honest I dont think I can trust either of them to be responsible with their money the way I am, or the way I am privileged to have wiggle room. idk

I got a call while writing this post, so the Thoughts will have to continue a different time